Jokes
A mushroom came into a bar
A mushroom came into a bar one night. The bartender stepped up and saw plainly that the new customer was a mushroom and shouted "Hey get…
Three Brothers
An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what'll you have?"The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."So the…
Knows when to stop
A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks…
Dogs and Light Bulbs
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?Border Collie: Just one. Then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.Rottweiler:…
This dog is acting bad
While waiting for a bus, the blind man's dog decided to go to the bathroom all over the blind man's legs.A passerby commented to the…
The amazing flying dog
A woman is out looking for a pet, and so she's trying the local pet shops. She walks into a small pet shop and explains her…
Two fools are about to go flying
Two morons stand on a cliff with their arms outstretched. One has some budgies lined up on each arm, the other has parrots lined up on…
He is a very smart dog
I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a…
There was just a dog fight
A man walks into a bar one day and asks, "Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?""Yeah, I do!" a biker says, standing up. "What…
The story of the bats
Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood."…
Steven Wright on dogs
The other day, I was walking my dog around my building...on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.I…
Three very tough mice
Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness.The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful…
A good chess player
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a…
These chickens want books
A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, 'Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens desire…